My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
