I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Randomize
