morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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