That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
