Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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