mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
