Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize