Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
