My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
