peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
