I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize