i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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