sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
