They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
