Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Randomize