This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
