the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
