We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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