the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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