i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
