and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
