i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
