my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
