WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
