Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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