This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
