They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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