Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
