Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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