i permit you to call me
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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