did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My nipple is on Facebook.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
