I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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