Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
