Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
