I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
