Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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