You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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