i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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