well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
