So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So vagazzling was a success
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I think my moral compass just broke
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
