a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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