i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You made out with two different species that night
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
