Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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