i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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