How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
