I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I have tasted many bathrooms
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
