im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
