it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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