im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
