I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
