remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize