I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
