I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
