I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
