I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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