But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
