It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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