I can text with my tongue
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
that is very illegal...i love you.
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