So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
