beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
