We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
