Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
