i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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