I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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