look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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