I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
