I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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