1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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