i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
