Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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