Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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