What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
